


SEND NUDES

by arinrowan



Series: a/s/l [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!, Yu-Gi-Oh! Series
Genre: GFY, Gen, also a lot of being dramatic, and helicopter landings, being friends with kaiba is hard, there's a lot of card games, yuugi just wants to finish his homework and get some sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 19:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9840851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arinrowan/pseuds/arinrowan
Summary: The phrase SEND NUDES probably makes more sense in English. Yuugi doesn't know whether it's more realistic for Kaiba to be asking him for porn (what kind of porn is nude anyway?) or Japanese sumac, but it's late, he's tired, and he just wants to finish his homework and go to bed. He'd ignore Kaiba but Kaiba has this habit of showing up in his helicopter if Yuugi ignores his texts, and if Kaiba shows up and lands on the Game Shop and breaks the roof his Grandpa is going to yell about it for weeks and Yuugi will never catch up on his math homework. Contains mention of porn but no actual porn or porn specifics; based on a tumblr post.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Icka M Chif (mischif)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischif/gifts).



Yuugi was ignoring the text notification on his cellphone.

_Didn’t your phone just go off?_ Yami asked.

Yuugi decided to ignore Yami as well. 

Yami, apparently not noticing that Yuugi was ignoring both him and his phone, kept talking. _I think I recognize that sound._

Yuugi scrunched further onto his desk and focused harder on his math homework. Admittedly, from this close the numbers didn’t make any more sense but it (hopefully) at least looked like he was too busy doing homework to notice the conversation he had decided wasn’t happening. 

There was a long pause. _Isn’t that the sound you have for Kaiba?_

Yuugi gave up trying to focus on his homework and buried his head in his hands. “Yes,” he said in a very small voice. 

He didn’t need to look at Yami to know his other self was giving him this _knowing_ look. _Hmm,_ said Yami very pointedly. 

It wasn’t that Yuugi didn’t like Kaiba-kun! It was just Kaiba-kun was… very intense. And really, that was okay! Kaiba-kun was very passionate about things! Passion was good. And after the… thing they all agreed not to talk about, with the kidnappings (his, his grandpa’s, Jonouchi’s…), and the heart attack, and the death laser tag and death Tetris, and the death threats, and the poisoning (okay, that one was only once and was technically Mokuba-kun but Yuugi still felt weird around hamburgers and that was just not okay), it had gotten a lot easier to spend time with Kaiba-kun. 

…also Kaiba-kun had (finally) stopped following him around the city in a limo because he thought someone was trying to defeat him in Duel Monsters. Yuugi was still sort of twitchy around limos. Not just because of that time one had hit him (okay, yeah, that one had been his fault, but then Kaiba-kun showed up and started talking about the red thread of fate binding them together and Yuugi had been super tired and while it was nice to see Kaiba-kun when he wasn’t trying to make Yuugi play Duel Monsters with him sometimes Yuugi just wanted to talk about something different. Like, maybe, the new Sentai series. Or how hard the homework was. Just. Something else). 

(It really didn’t help that Yuugi was pretty sure Kaiba-kun had only stopped following him because he either stuck tracking devices on Yuugi or the others or was using the security cameras to track them. He tried not to think too hard about it.) 

But anyway! Kaiba-kun was his friend, and they’d fought together, and they met on the dueling circuit as rivals and friends, and they were going to keep fighting as rivals and friends and that was really nice because Kaiba-kun really needed more friends. And also sometimes when someone was threatening to kidnap or kill or rip the soul out of one of Yuugi’s friends or family members it could be really nice to be able to ask Kaiba-kun for help. (...like last week. And the month before that. And six weeks before that. How was this his life, how, he was _never_ going to catch up on his math homework). 

But even though Kaiba-kun was now his friend, texts from him were never “do you want to go to the arcade or grab a burger.” Kaiba-kun just wanted to talk about Duel Monsters or having Yuugi Duel him or how he was building a new Duel Disc system to defeat Yuugi or Yami _all the time_. 

(Admittedly the last three times Yuugi had gone to the arcade with his friends someone had tried to beat him or one of his friends up and Yami had shown up and there was something about a scorpion or a broken jaw and maybe something about tazing, Yuugi tried not to pay too much attention to that sometimes. And again, burgers made him think of Mokuba and food poisoning, and if he tried really really hard the smell of burning vodka and something burning that was… not vodka, so he tried not to think about it. So arcades and burgers weren’t really fun right now but not the point!) 

Texts from Kaiba-kun were all some version of “I need to test the dueling platform, get over here” or “I need an immediate answer on whether you’re participating in the Grand Prix Final Qualifier in California next Thursday” or “I’m contesting the ban on Swords of Revealing Light and need you to duel me in public at three am to prove a point.” Yuugi could ignore them (and had) but then Kaiba-kun would show up while Yuugi and his friends were walking to school by descending from a helicopter in front of him and repeating the request. (Which was… another reason Yuugi was pretty sure Kaiba was following him around via security cameras, or he hoped security cameras, because he’d already taken his school jacket apart one evening to try and find bugs and his Mom had been super unhappy with him and Yuugi was really bad at sewing. And it wasn’t like Yuugi actually knew what tracking devices looked like outside of movies, and Yami thought they were fascinating but had even less of an idea than Yuugi about what to look for. Ryou-kun might but that was. That was a different problem than Kaiba-kun). So it was just easier to reply to Kaiba-kun whenever he texted rather than wait and have Kaiba-kun do something to get his attention that Kaiba-kun would then pretend had nothing to do with getting his attention. 

(Both Kaiba-kun and his other self were really dramatic. Stupidly dramatic. Sentai transformation sequence dramatic. But if he pointed it out to either of them Kaiba-kun would ignore him while doing the thing with his jacket and Yami would claim to have no idea what he was talking about. One time Yami had said that when he and Yuugi were in Yami’s soul room which meant Yuugi felt perfectly justified in just staring at his other self with the Disapproving and Disappointed Judgment Face. He didn’t do it anywhere as well as Anzu when she thought Jonouchi-kun or Yuugi were hiding porn but Yami had suddenly decided they should go somewhere that wasn’t his soul room and immediately started talking about Duel Monsters when he and Yuugi were back in Yuugi’s physical room. So Yuugi won that round.) 

…And the two times the texts hadn’t been about Yuugi playing Duel Monsters they’d been. Worse. (Yuugi would never give up his Other Self, or the friends he’d made, but sometimes he thought… he wasn’t sure what he would have chosen, if he knew what opening the door to the Shadow Realm meant. It was one thing when Yuugi was the person getting beaten up or kidnapped or choked or robbed or blackmailed or extorted. It was another when it was his Grandpa, or Jonouchi-kun, or Anzu, or Mokuba-kun). Mokuba-kun was doing fine after what had happened, but Yuugi still worried about him. (Hamburgers notwithstanding). And of course Yuugi would drop everything to help Kaiba-kun if he needed it, of course if something was wrong he’d do whatever he could, but seriously, the last incident was _last week_ , and Yuugi _really needed_ to finish at least three of the homework assignments that were piled on his desk before tomorrow, and he had been hoping to get at least four or five hours of sleep before class and again, seriously, _how was this his life???_

Yami had apparently decided that Yuugi was spending too long moldering in existential despair. _Do you think he can land a helicopter on top of the game shop?_ Yami asked in the fakest casual tone Yuugi had heard since the time (last month) Honda-kun was talking very loudly about bike safety in front of the motorcycle gang that was trying to steal his puzzle while Jonouchi-kun snuck up behind them with a metal bat. 

Yuugi just groaned. He had no idea how much a helicopter weighed or how hard it would be to land it on a building not designed for a helicopter to land on, but considering how often Kaiba-kun kept randomly hovering via helicopter in streets that seemed way too small to fit a helicopter he wasn't going to rule out the possibility. (Also. If the roof caved in from Kaiba-kun landing a helicopter on it Kaiba-kun was definitely going to pretend it had been intentional and part of some weird plot to beat Yuugi in Duel Monsters while surreptitiously arranging to have the entire thing fixed and reinforced as soon as possible without actually including Yuugi’s family in the process. Which would just be a giant headache and his Grandpa would yell a lot. And then Kaiba-kun was probably going to do the thing where he apparently sat under his desk for a while and refused to use his chair and Mokuba-kun would have to lure him out after three or four days when his back started hurting from typing on the floor. Yuugi did not regret giving Mokuba-kun his cell number. Mokuba-kun’s texts only once involved someone trying to kidnap someone, and generally were just Mokuba-kun sending him photos of unreleased Dark Magician or Dark Magician Girl merchandise or asking if Yuugi had seen Kaiba-kun eating his lunch at school.) 

So Yuugi could either answer his phone right now and accept that he probably wasn’t going to finish any of his homework, ever, he was going to have to drop out of school and become a rounin and spend a lot of time doing _really crappy_ part time jobs that were going to fire him the first time he missed work because someone got kidnapped or had their soul stolen, or he could ignore the text and then Kaiba-kun would land on the roof and Grandpa would spend the next six months yelling about it. 

Yuugi sighed, deeply, and did not look at the smug look on his other self’s face as he resignedly opened the text. He blinked. 

It was… surprisingly short, for Kaiba-kun. All Romaji, which was weird. The text itself was… also kind of weird. 

Yuugi reread the text, to make sure he’d read it right. 

Yep. The text still said, in Romaji, **SEND NUDES**. 

Oh thank god, was Yuugi’s immediate thought. Something normal. 

It wasn’t that Yuugi liked buying porn for people. The porn itself was usually pretty nice, especially if you could find the stuff that wasn’t pixelated (thank you card game tournaments in America). But buying porn was a weird exercise in humiliation and trying to convince people behind the register that no, he was a high school student, he was not in elementary school, no, you don’t need to call my parents or my school, please just sell me the magazine/video to make this end. But like. Finding people porn did not involve Duel Monsters, or Shadow Games, or tracking devices or kidnapping, and honestly, Yuugi could use a break from his life and if porn was the gateway to something approaching normality in his friendship with Kaiba-kun, _he would take it_. 

_…What are “nudes”?_ asked Yami, who had really bad phone manners and took any opportunity to read someone’s texts or emails or pass judgment on their Farmville scores. (Yuugi used to let him play Bejeweled on his phone during class. Yuugi did not understand how the servers had overloaded or why his phone had apparently caught on fire and _did not want to know_ , but for the time being Yami was No Longer Allowed to play games on Yuugi’s phone.) 

Yuugi just sort of froze. “Um. So …I think he...wants me to find him some porn?” 

Yami, because Yuugi’s Other Self was a horrible person who did things like look at texts without permission and make stupid knowing faces at Yuugi, started laughing. Yuugi hunched back down on his desk and ignored him and hovered his hand over the reply window on his cellphone. 

So. If it was Honda-kun, or Jonouchi-kun, or even Ryou-kun from that one time they agreed not to talk about ever in Akihabara, Yuugi would know what kind of porn to send. But like. There were lots of types of porn. (Also, why was Kaiba-kun asking for Nude in Romaji instead of just calling it porn like everyone else? Was Nude some special kind of porn?)

…Had Kaiba-kun meant to ask him for Japanese sumac instead of Nude and hit Romaji on his phone instead of Hiragana? Like. Yuugi had no idea why Kaiba-kun would need him to send Kaiba-kun Japanese sumac but, honestly, Yuugi had no idea why Kaiba-kun would text him asking for porn at 2 am either (oh no, he had to be up in five hours, he still had to do his homework, why didn’t being good at math for Duel Monsters translate to being good for math in class???) And the tree did have toxic sap, which Yuugi knew about from one really awkward time in elementary school where someone shoved him into one and his hair got stuck and then his neck broke out in a really itchy rash and Yuugi sort of spent three years terrified of trees. Which had made Duelist Kingdom a lot more exciting than it already was. And honestly, Kaiba-kun asking for information about a plant with toxic sap seemed a lot more realistic than a request for porn. 

Ignoring his Other Self, who was still laughing, Yuugi carefully typed **…the tree, or porn?** and hit send. He put the phone down and tried to remember what part of the equation he’d been working on. So, the example from the book made him think about trying to subtract life points when a card was equipped… 

His phone buzzed five minutes later. **You’re an idiot.** Idiot was in Katakana, the rest was in Hiragana. 

“…sometimes, Kaiba-kun is just mean,” complained Yuugi. It wasn’t like any part of this situation made any sense anyway and really, Yuugi was just trying to figure out what Kaiba-kun wanted so both of them could go back to doing whatever they were doing way too late at night. (Why was Kaiba-kun still up anyway? Last week had been hard for everyone and Kaiba-kun never slept on the helicopter or train or blimp or plane rides, just worked or glowered at people. He had to be really tired. Mokuba-kun was probably going to text Yuugi later about whether Kaiba-kun was remembering to eat during their lunch break and Yuugi was going to have to stop by a convenience store to pick up the vitamin drinks Kaiba-kun claimed to hate but would drink if Yuugi left them on his desk after talking with Kaiba-kun about Duel Monsters). 

Yami made a commiserating noise. _He is being very impolite, considering he’s the one asking you for porn in the first place. Shall I talk to him for you?_

…It was two am. Yuugi did not have time to deal with his Other Self dueling Kaiba-kun over proper etiquette about asking people for porn, because he loved his Other Self and Kaiba-kun was his friend but both of them were _obsessed_ and he knew how that conversation would go, and he just wanted to finish his homework and go to bed. And also if there was obvious property damage or someone got kidnapped or a Shadow Game happened he was not explaining to any of his friends that everything happened because of porn. “Please don’t," sighed Yuugi, putting his pencil down and stretching his neck. Yami made a non-committal sound but made no attempt to pick up the phone. 

So. Not Japanese sumac, then. Which was nice because Yuugi’s neck still started itching if he looked at Japanese sumac or smelled the sap, and he knew it was stupid, that was years ago, but it had _really really_ itched. And Yuugi had to admit, thinking it was Japanese sumac had been kind of a long stretch but he still had no idea what was going on and Kaiba-kun always got impatient when people didn’t immediately know what he was talking about. Nevertheless, Yuugi still wasn’t really sure what kind of porn Nude was. **What kind of porn do you want?**

This time the response was immediate. **How are you my rival.**

Yuugi, who by this point was getting really annoyed with the interruptions, this wasn’t even anything important, and he was almost done with this problem set and it wasn’t like Kaiba-kun ever had a hard time getting his schoolwork in and had a way higher class ranking than Yuugi anyway, typed **You stole my Grandpa’s card and kept following me around and being really scary to other people who tried to play Duel Monsters with me** and hit send. 

Kaiba-kun didn’t reply. Yuugi was really tired and none of this made any sense and his jacket was hanging off his chair and the collar was still hanging sort of crooked after he’d tried to take it apart, which was why he suddenly found himself typing  
**Did you put a tracking device in my jacket???** and hitting send before he decided that was a stupid plan. 

His phone was silent for thirty minutes. Yuugi finished the first sheet and was about a third of the way through the next one when the tone buzzed again. Apprehensively, he opened the text. 

**I did not put a tracking device in your jacket.**

So. Kaiba-kun wasn’t talking about porn anymore. Which was good, because the whole conversation had just felt weird in a way it didn’t with Jonouchi-kun or Honda-kun and Yuugi sort of felt like he was missing something he didn’t want to think too hard about. And Kaiba-kun hadn’t laughed at him for mentioning tracking devices or used Romaji or Katakana in the text, which was also good? But. It also sort of. Seemed strangely specific?

Yami made a considering noise. _Do you think there are multiples, then? Or that he placed one somewhere else?_

Yuugi groaned and banged his head on his desk. Seriously. How was this his life???

**Author's Note:**

> So tyranny-mutt on tumblr posted something about Kaiba randomly drunk texting Yuugi SEND NUDES one night when they aren't dating and what Yuugi's response might be. Canonically, Jonouchi has shared his porn with Yuugi, and Honda and Jonouchi used to bully Yuugi into buying them porn mags before the series started, so honestly? Yuugi has context for people making him buy porn. Considering all the kidnapping, death threats, murder attempts, and blackmail attempts Kaiba attempted on Yuugi in canon, I feel like being asked for porn from Kaiba would be weird but something Yuugi would feel like he could actually navigate. (He's wrong, but. Points for trying, Yuugi).


End file.
